Satirede Speld

De Speld: Alle gesprekken switch to English when non-Dutch person arrives bij Universiteit Twente

De Universiteit van Twente. Beeld Universiteit Twente
De Universiteit van Twente.Beeld Universiteit Twente

Om de laatste restjes van de verengelsing compleet te maken, wil de Universiteit Twente dat ook de – ho, I see we have a non-native reader right here. Welcome! So, we were just saying that the University of Twente has a new policy and that says that all conversations in the university, even the conversations at the coffee machine have to be - oh nu is die weer weg, dan kan het wel weer in het Nederlands.

De officiële voertaal per 1 januari 2020 is dus Engels en daarom moet alle communicatie ook in die taal, zelfs als je in je pauze – oh, someone from Germany is currently reading the article. He might speak Dutch, but we better not take the risk that he doesn’t understand the text. He might feel excluded and that’s the last thing we want to… ah, tering. Uitdragen? Kom nou, uitdragen, uitdragen, jongens? Express? Express. That’s the last thing we want to expr – is he still there? Yes, he is. Feel welcome reading this. You’re absolutely welcome. Oh please don’t feel embarrassed because this whole paragraph is written in English only because of you! It’s no problem. We were just discussing the new policy of the University of Twente.

So where were we. Oh yes. The Englization of the University of Twente will, due to the mainly foreign students, finally be completed by – what? Oh, I would like a cappuccino - it will finally be completed by also converting the conversations at the coffee machine – wacht even, ik bedoel wait a second, godverdomme, DOE MAAR CAPPUCCINO! – to English.